6 02 2012

A friend that I worked with in Indianapolis lost her husband unexpectedly this past fall.  She was my age and has a daughter that is a little older than Kingston.  Today, she shared this:

“There are some things that, no matter how much you prepare yourself for, are incredibly gut-wrenchingly difficult. Packing away Nate’s clothes, the remainder of his earthly possessions, will be just that for me… A reminder that he won’t need them anymore, a reminder that the emptiness I feel in my heart and in my life will now be reflected in my closet, a reminder that no matter how hard I try, …things will NEVER be the same again. I will never be the same again. But, through it all, I am trying to remind myself that Nate is clothed in heavenly robes of splendor, which far outweigh even his favorite Fossil T-shirt and Levi’s jeans… That even though I miss him terribly, I wouldn’t wish him back here. So, with each clothing item that I pack away, I will thank God for every day I was allowed to share with Nate. I would trade none of this pain if it meant one ounce of loving my Nate less.”
And reading this was a great conviction to my complaining spirit.  While I mutter and whine under my breath about folding endless loads of laundry and constantly cleaning up after someone, I have a healthy and happy husband and 3 energetic and healthy children.  We survived a brutal week of the stomach virus that wiped us all out and ended with me having a major emotional melt-down.  I felt I had nothing left to give.  But in reflection, I am so thankful I have my beloveds to give myself to.  I’m thankful that my boys continue to have such interest, protection, and adoration for their little brother.  And I’m thankful that I’m able to share the good weeks and the rough weeks with a partner that steps up and fills the gaps when I can’t.



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